Useful things to believe if you want to make changes in your life
(PRESUPPOSITIONS OF NLP- Description of some of the underlying beliefs of NLP)
1. Respect for the other person's model of the world. Another way of putting this is “Everyone is right from their point of view.” We each experience the world in ways that support existing beliefs about what things mean and how things work. Being convinced of something does not make that something objectively true, but as we all live in our own individual (subjective) reality, we tend to act as if it does. In fact what we tend to do is look out for information or evidence to support our own model of the world and edit out other evidence to the contrary. Have you ever heard of the phrase “Self fulfilling prophecy”?
That is how it works.It is important to remember that respecting another person’s model of the world does not mean agreeing with it, or sharing it, but it does imply having a curiosity and an interest in that other model and how it is formed for the other person.
2. Behaviour and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology We need to base our evaluation of anybody’s behaviour, (including levels of change) only on that one person, not on some preset benchmark based on statistics or some other external criteria. In other words a particular aspect of personal development may respresent a massive amount of work and be a major breakthrough for one person, while to another person it comes easily and is only one step among many. This is to re emphasise that we are all different, the lives we lead and who we lead therm with, the beliefs we have, our boiology and enviroment are all different from individual to individual.
3. Resistance in someone else is a sign of a lack of rapport. (There are is resistance, only inflexible communicators. Effective communicators accept and utilise all communication presented to them.) -Rapport could be described as how we feel close to another person and what we traust and like some people and not others. It is built through building on an awareness of nonverbal behaviour to allow you to become better receivers of another person’s messages. -Use of language and voice tonality, together with physiological clues such as, facial expressions and skin tone changes, gestures, posture and body orientation can be matched and mirrored to build rapport. -We have all these areas to explore and be flexible within in order to to build a deeper connection with other people.
4. People are more than their behaviours. (Accept the person; change the behaviour.) We are more than our behaviours. Behaviours can change; we can be in charge of our behaviours and break through habits of behaviour. People often do not make this distinction; this is particularly evident in how some people talk to their children. We hear people saying things like, “you bad boy” or words to that effect! What they are usually talking about is something the child had done/is doing that they do not approve of. In families a lot of this sort of thing often takes place, “John is the brightest of the lot, but really I don’t think Peter will ever get over his shyness, it really holds him back. “ Unfortunately this sort of language gets taken on board as being the “truth” for that child and becomes part of their identity, until they do something about it. (If it becomes troublesome/limiting.) NLP/HYPNOTHERAPY techniques are ideal for working with this type of programming and can be used to help a person reprogramme more useful and productive beliefs and behaviours.
5. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. (Behaviour is geared for adaptation, and present behaviour is the best choice available. Every behaviour is motivated by a positive intent.)
6. Calibrate on Behaviour. It’s not what people say, it’s what they do. The most important information about a person is that person's behaviour. People are often well practiced in using language to please, confuse, and conform, however this does not necessarily reflect what is happening for that person inside. This is why it is useful for us to “calibrate on behaviour”. I think the choice of the word calibrate is significant because behaviours are often age, gender and culture specific. So even though according to Kramer, "94% of our communication is nonverbal”, we cannot necessarily assume that one persons particular behaviour means the same thing as another person exhibiting the same behaviour and we need to calibrate for that individual. People can tell you that an change has taken place within them, but does their behaviour confirm this on a consistant basis?
7. The map is not the Territory. (The words we use are NOT the event or the item they represent.) (The words we use are not the event or the item they represent.)The thoughts we have about an event are not the actual event. Each person experiencing the same external event will have their own individual internal representation of that event; these may or may not have much commonality with each other. There is a phrase- reliable witness- this is based on the knowledge that people need to be trained to observe events by a common set of rules and parameters. Even then it is only a common set of parameters rather than the “truth” that they are observing. There is a story that when one of the early sailor/explorers put down anchor in a distant cove, the local inhabitants could not actually register the existence of the ship, they presumably could see it with their eyes but their brain could not “compute” its existence. Their map of the world could not countenance then existence of something so outside their experience.
8. You are in charge of your mind, and therefore your results (and I am also in charge of my mind and therefore my results). In life you can get the result you want by taking responsibility=the ability to respond, or you can give a whole range of excuses or reasons why you are not getting what you want. These reasons and excuses all boil down to one or more of three things: Negative Emotions ie anger, sadness,fear, hurt,lonliness Ineffective Behaviours Limiting beliefs backed up by negative self talk. This is about either being at “cause”, where we take responsibility for handling things, start repairing our cracks, tap into out passions and interests and take better care of ourselves and start getting the results we want, rather than being at “effect” were we complain but do not act, where we blame and resent and wait for rescue and someone else to make things better for us! Perhaps some of this sounds very harsh, but at the end of the day is it more empowering to believe that we have the power to make changes for ourselves, or to believe that it is not our fault or that there is nothing that we can do to make things better?
9. People have all the Resources they need to succeed and to achieve their desired outcomes. (There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states.) Within us all is a vast storehouse of untapped and often unrealised inner resources. NLP and Hypnotherapy work together to enable us to release and utilise these resources. Have you heard something about the findings that most of us only use less than 10% of our brain capacity? That’s really something inspiring to think about isn’t it? What would life be like for us if we could release and utilise even 3% more? For an interesting read on this subject you might like to visit http://www.enchantedmind.com/html/science/brain_capacity.html
10. All changes should increase Wholeness All procedures should be designed to increase wholeness. Again this supports and builds on the previous presuppositions about increased choice and variety. It is also one of the universal truths to be found in all world religions and therapeutic models, though the language may be slightly different, the meaning is about becoming more integrated, congruent and whole, and through this realise more of our true potential.
11. There is ONLY feedback! (There is no failure, only feedback.) The results you get may not be the ones that you wanted, but they can be seen as opportunities to learn about yourself and hopefully help you build and develop as you progress to getting the results you do want.
12. The meaning of communication is the response you get. “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey (an Ex USA State Department spokesman) I have chosen this quote because it illustrates the frustration and confusion that can occur when a misunderstanding occurs. I actually think it is amazing that misunderstandings don’t happen more often when you consider the need for interpretation, based on personal filters and semantic fields that are required during communication. It is crucial that we are flexible in our methods of communication in order to get the response that is needed for that moment. Mastery of communication = flexibility in methodology in ways of getting the message across. One of my interests has been in Autistic Spectrum Disorders and one of the main elements of this spectrum of disabilities is in the field of communication. Often people with this difficulty do not develop what is known as Theory of Mind. Theory of mind refers to the idea that people with autistic spectrum disorders do not understand that other people have their own plans, thoughts, and points of view. It appears that they have difficulty understanding other people's beliefs, attitudes, and emotions. By not understanding that other people think differently than themselves, many autistic individuals may have problems relating socially and communicating to other people. That is, they may not be able to anticipate what others will say or do in various situations. For this reason they can find the flexibility that is required to be a good communicator extremely difficult and challenging
13. The Law of Requisite Variety. (The system or person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system.) More flexible=more choices=more solutions. This corresponds with how water, which is infinitely flexible and changeable, will wear down stone which has not that ability to be flexible. Personally there have been times in my life when I wanted to stop running a regular negative pattern, I just have not known what to do to effect that change. NLP and Hypnotherapy build a body of understanding that means an infinite number of choices become available in terms of designing focussed interventions.
14. All procedures should be Designed to increase choice. This supports and builds on the previous presupposition and is one of the reasons why I am drawn to NLP and Hypnotherapy because the knowledge and skills and attitudes and beliefs enable us, through increasing our range of choices, to breakthrough our limiting programmes that we didn’t even know we had, let alone realised were running us.
15. You are in charge of your mind and therefore your results. For me this is possibly the fundamental presupposition because everything in NLP and Hypnotherapy is based on the presupposition that we can take charge of our minds, understand how it is working, what runs us, what we have been programmed with either consciously or unconsciously (eg as children) and therefore make focussed interventions to ensure we are more able to create the results we want. For me, if I don’t believe this, then nothing else follows!
16. What you focus on is what you get. What the thinker thinks, the prover proves
1) Everyone talks to themselves 2) But people do it without realising it 3) If people learned to talk to themselves positively they would notice a dramatic improvement in their lives 4) They could harness this to programme themselves with something they wanted 5) They would be more congruent and integrated.
What if you choose beliefs that support and help yourself?
What if your thoughts could give you a happy and fulfilling life?
What if as an optimist you live longer, and have a happier and more fulfilling life?
What if you choose to believe that you can have more happiness, fun, excitement, adventure, money, pleasure and fulfilment in your life than you ever thought possible?
What if you could do this beginning NOW?
Homework exercise – purpose to help make your thinking habits more conscious.
What do you focus on?
What do you think about / what happens in your head/ what do you say to yourself in your head when you are not actually actively focussed on something in particular?
Using the table supplied, notice and make a brief note on at least two or three separate occasions for each of these examples; (some may not apply to your current life situation so please substitute with something more appropriate)
For this exercise to be really useful to you it is important that you are completely honest with yourself as to what you are thinking about and that you are totally specific (rather than generalised) about what you write down.
For example “That will ruin my day now I have had a row with Peter. He will think I am a mean cow and I am really. I always loose my temper too easily. Why do I always jump in, why can’t I just make a joke of it. I should have said something funny, I’m useless at coming up with witty things.” Gives you a lot more to work on than writing something like,” I had a row with my boyfriend about something stupid and felt bad about it.
While going to sleep
First thing in the morning as you awake
While walking to work/ waiting at the bus stop
On a routine drive
While washing up/cleaning the car
At a boring point in your work!
When you are not very well/tired Before a big event/ new experience
Another situation when your thoughts run away with you. (Please specify)